Of Moments We Treasure So Dear
by Writer Monkey
Summary: He's already gone through 37 different scenarios in which he could've saved her; blocked her. Anything. Anything that would've allowed her to be here rolling her eyes at his sad state of despair.


He should've known the take-down wouldn't be as easy as she said. He just should've fucking known.

He sits staring blankly in the silence of his office, softly fingering the object on his wrist. His fingers pad the glass of a new addition to his wardrobe – an oversized watch with a slightly worn black leather strap. Esposito had told him at the Wake she would've wanted him to have it. He can't help but think that _she _should be the one wearing it even if she wouldn't have a need for it anymore. At the risk of sounding like the nine year old she thought him to be, he didn't think it was fair.

.

It had all happened so fast. Beckett was shouting into the walkie-talkie, "In pursuit of suspect on foot. He's armed and dangerous. Be prepared to fire – he's already shot a civilian." Castle watches as she throws the device down violently, plastic splintering on the hard pavement below. Just as she's about to catch him, they pass the corner of the building and a shot is fired.

The bullet missed the perp by an inch, instead entering the soft area under her armpit and lodging itself in her spine. He was five feet behind as he watched her body drop like a sack of potatoes, the thud echoing through his ears. He sees one of the nameless plain-clothes cops dart off after the perp as the security guard starts stammering in his Walkie that an officer was just shot during the pursuit.

..

She just _had _ to chase after him. She knew there were people outside ready to catch the guy, but goddamnit if Beckett didn't always have that infuriating desire to do everything _herself._ He's convinced she would still be alive right now if she hadn't. But then again, it was what made her such a good cop; it was what made her extraordinary.

He's gone through 37 different scenarios in which he could've saved her; blocked her. Anything. Anything that would've allowed her to be here rolling her eyes at his sad state of despair.

Whenever his exhaustion takes over and his eyes close, even if only for a second, he hears that thud and the breath expelling violently from her lungs as she collides with the ground.

The feel of the glass against his thumb slowly starts to fade as the slight ticking of the second hand starts to match the pulse of his bruised heart.

...

Running up to her, his knees buckle, body dropping down beside her still figure. He grabs for her hand and she doesn't flinch. "KATE!" He shouts her name loudly as he tries to get her attention. He can tell she's warring with herself, a look of concentration on her face.

"Kate!"  
And then her face changes. The lines between her eyebrows un-knit and her head falls to the side. And then she whispers.

"I can't feel, Rick." She looks back up to the sky and tries to move, grimacing in preparation for the pain that would envelope her whole. None comes.

"My arms. My legs. I can't feel them."

The color drains from his face instantly. He looks at her body and watches as the blood seeps into her clothes, spreading like wildfire across her white sweater. For a moment he just stares. The blood never seems to stop. At one point he thinks it might swallow her whole. At the lull in words, she tries again.

"I keep trying to move my legs but –"

"AMBULANCE!" he shouts frantically, as his brain begins to function again, "WE NEED AN AMBULANCE! OFFICER DOWN! OFFICER DOWN!"

He sees the tears start to fall down the side of her face, knowing if she had _any _sort of control right now, he wouldn't be seeing them. She'd wipe them away, furious at herself for even allowing the moisture to gather in the first place. He knows. So he takes the back of his index finger and wipes them away gently, the salty tears absorbing into his skin. This time his voice is quiet when he talks.

"Don't try and move. That can't be good. I-I don't know what- my police training wasn't until next week. Kate, I don't know what to do."

Except he does.

He slowly lowers his body down, parallel to hers. Scooting closer he can feel the stickiness of the red liquid seep into his clothes, suctioning them to his body. He leans on his side opposite her, their faces inches apart.

Her eyes fall closed as she gathers the strength to speak again.

"I never got to th-thank you." She begins.

His gaze shifts from her mouth to her eyes, searching.

"Thank me for what?"

"For helping me through my mother's murder."

And just like that, the tears start to well in his eyes.

"Now, now. Don't go inflating my ego, Detective. You need to leave some things to the imagination. Just think of what leverage I'll have over you the next time-"

"I'm not sure you'll be able to use it for long." She smiles sadly.

"What are you talking about? We'll be out at the Old Haunt next week dancing. Montgomery'll surely make you take some time off, and you know how much Lanie has been wanting to go out for a girl's night with-"  
She starts to cough violently and he can hear the blood begin to bubble in her throat. A tiny bit escapes the corner of her mouth.

That's enough to shut him up.

"After she was murdered, I saw one of your books at the store." Pausing, she takes a shuddery breath. "It was in the front window and caught my eye. Ever since then I'd been hooked."

"Are you not familiar with the term 'blackmail'? 'Cause this is top-notch material you're giving me here." He says with a smile that has to fight its way to the surface.

Ignoring him, she gathers the strength to begin again. This time, her voice is but a mere whisper.

"You know what always had me coming back, Rick? The justice. The endings. Both of which I never got. Somehow, you always were able to give me the 'why' that I'd been denied. All the loose ends that would normally lead nowhere in real life were neatly tied up." She looks into his eyes and sees them widen a fraction of an inch. Smiling slightly, she closes her eyes and coughs.

"And before you say it, yes. I know I just defined the term denouement."

The pallid appearance of her skin and the growing space between each breath is worrying him. 'Where is that ambulance?' he thinks as he gently slips an arm across her torso, trying to keep her warm.

He feels a short puff of air move a tuft of his hair, causing him to look up. Her eyes shine with unshed tears as the corner of her mouth works into a half smile.

"F-Figure's you'd try to feel me up the moment I wouldn't notice it…" And honestly, he'd laugh if it didn't hurt so damn much.

A tear threatens to slip from his eye. Never in a million years would he ever think this would be happening. She's supposed to be the one that saves him; she has from the start.

He has to lean down further to hear her whisper "I wish we had more time."

Tilting his head to the side he softly kisses her cheek, smearing the blood across his own.

"So do I, Kate. So do I."

She gasps one last time for a final breath of air and he watches as her eyes slip closed.

He grips her jacket and scoots closer so their bodies are touching. His free hand cradles the side of her head against his forehead as he winds a lock of hair around his finger.

The ambulance siren sounds in the distance but he's too numb to notice the noise.

…

It's been a month since it happened and it still hurts as much as it did before. Not only did he mourn for her, but he also mourned for the answers that she never got. The time they never had. The love they were never able to share. He doesn't know if he'll ever be able to get over it.

As he hears the apartment door open and close, he rises out of his chair for the first time that day. Still clad in his pajamas and sporting a gruff beard, he shuffles into the living room. He spots Alexis pulling a bouquet of flowers from her bag and watches as she carefully puts them in a vase. They were Kate's favorites.

As she turns around a tiny sparkle catches his eye. The chain and ring Kate wore every day now graced the neck of his own daughter. She had asked about it one day in his office. It was draped across Beckett's favorite coffee cup that was situated next to the grouping of matryoshka dolls from her old desk. After he told her the significance of the ring, we was honored - and to be completely honest, a little heartbroken - when she asked to wear it.

He's startled out of his thoughts when Martha walks down the stairs blabbering on about something to do with needing Alexis' help to run lines. The ring catches the light and sparkles again, causing his heart clench painfully. He knows it'll take time, but Kate will help him through it. He knew it was possible. After all, he saved her life without being there. Now she can save his.

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Hello lovely readers.

Go easy on me. This is the first time I've written anything in well over a year. I heard a song the other day that really struck a chord and inspired me to write this.

And you know, that little review button is there for you to use. I'd reaaally appreciate feedback, even if they're just to criticize or flame me for killing Beckett.

[Insert disclaimer here]

I do not own "Castle". This is purely for enjoyment. If I did own this, I would have Beckett's apartment and Josh as _my _boyfriend (because Castle is taken and who _doesn't_ love a cute doctor?). Oh, and Caskett would be canon by now.


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